Fair warning.. I'm talking boobs here!
Nothing was more shocking and heartbreaking to me than this, especially as I was actually producing milk (unlike with Livi) and yet he didn't want me. But, because I really wanted him to be breastfed, I pumped. Every 2-3 hours, everyday for his whole one month of life so far.
If you aren't familiar with pumping, lemme just warn you of the horror that is pumping.. It hurts, takes forever, doesn't let your milk come down naturally, and is 100% awful.
So couple all that crap with having a toddler who wants to play or color or whatever PLUS taking care of your newborn, PLUS taking care of a dog, PLUS feeling like you've been hit by a bus and wrung out and completely exhausted.. To say it was really hard would be a massive understatement.
I met with a lactation specialist who was really wonderful with helping Linc and me figure out how to make it work.. He learned how to suck wrongly when he was a newborn so he would never latch correctly and he'd get super frustrated because he was starving and wanted instant gratification. Typical boy ;P so with her help, he nursed for 30 minutes in her office and I was ecstatic! She gave me some tips and tricks to get him to nurse at home & I left feeling really hopeful and proud of my body & son for working together.
Once I was home however, was a different story. To get him to latch and nurse, it was a process that took about 45 minutes total, to finish nursing. Then when he didn't fully drain my milk I had to pump after which would take 20 minutes. Doing the whole feeding process of over an hour, dedicating all my attention and care to Linc or my pump and having to do it every 2-3 hours.. That's all I was doing and literally could not take care of Olive. As much as I wanted with every fiber of my being to nurse, I just couldn't do that to Livi. I made the painful decision to switch to all formula & supplement with breastmilk for as long as I could pump for. I know that formula isn't poison, that millions of babies are brought up on it everyday and they turn out just great.. Livi was one of those and I think she's perfect. ;) But because I couldn't nurse as long as I wanted with Livi, I really really wanted it to be different with Linc. It broke my heart to "give up" but I knew it was the best decision for my family time to be divided evenly.
Over the next few days I pumped like normal, introduced formula slowly, and divided my time as well as possible.
One small complication... I developed mastitis. Seriously. Because I can't have anything go smoothly! Goodness. Oh and to top things off, my 5 year anniversary was just around the corner. Ugh. I wouldn't wish mastitis on my worst enemy.. I'm serious, it's terrible. I had a fever of 102+, headaches & body aches like I had the flu, and also my right breast was dying.. Like hot poker stabs of pain with also the tight feeling like someone crushed my boob. So freakin painful. Every movement with my right arm was painful, laying down hurt, walking hurt.. Everything sucked. So we went to instacare, got antibiotics, and I decided to be done with pumping. The reason I got mastitis with this time around vs. when I had Livi, is that with breastfeeding, your milk comes down differently and you get properly "drained" and with pumping you have to massage your breasts and really work at your boobs to make sure you get all the milk every time. You have a higher chance of getting mastitis when you exclusively pump, vs with breastfeeding. I never EVER want to get mastitis again so I decided that I would taper off of pumping and be done with it. After about 24 hours the antibiotics started to do their magic and I could actually breathe without pain. Lincoln really likes formula thankfully so it was a relatively easy transition for him and me.
Fingers crossed everything is smooth sailing from here on out.
xoxo
Mandi
Awww this is so heartbreaking! :( My little guy wouldn't latch the whole first week. I pumped and my husband fed him with a dropper/syringe. Our LC was lousy. I was lucky another mom showed me the ropes with the nipple sandwich/hamburger hold and got us going. We also took him to a pediatric dentist at 10 days old to check for lip and tongue ties. He had an upper lip tie revision. Fixed everything! He does still (at 8 months) get a lazy latch that hurts but I just have to move his mouth.
ReplyDeleteMastitis is no joke! I have thankfully only had one clog and it was MISERABLE. I got a fever but by morning it was gone and I was able to get rid of the clog by nursing, massaging, and pumping. Not sure if that is considered mastitis or not. Several moms in my mommy group have had it (more than once) and they have said what a nightmare it is.
Your little one will be just fine on formula! As an exclusively breastfeeding mom I hate to hear other moms say breast is best. Yes, breastmilk is better than formula but that doesn't mean formula is the devil. FED IS BEST. *hugs* Don't beat yourself up.
Ah thank you! We had the rounding pediatrician at the hospital check his tongue.. I think he had such a hard time because of our time in the hospital, how low his blood sugars were and he just wanted to sleep instead of eat. Poor guy. The rounding ped gave us only 3 options: to either give him formula supplementation, a GI tube, or an IV, which at his tiny age would go in his head.. So obviously we chose the lesser of the three evils but I can't help but think "what if" I had just done my own schedule, ignored the docs advice, and waited for him to be actually hungry enough to eat. Ah. But either way, he's happy now, totally a chubby healthy baby boy and the silver lining perk is I don't have to take my shirt off in public or deal with my milk coming down when I hear another baby cry. :)
DeleteAnd I think you probably had a clogged duct, not full on mastitis. I had a couple of moments like that too before the full on mastitis, where I'd take a super hot bath, massage and express some milk out, and it would improve. But with mastitis, you need antibiotics to clear it up.. And it's awful!
I'm totally fine with formula now, it's just the transition from what I planned on and expected to do for months, ya know? And the lame thing is, when I stopped pumping, I had over 140 ounces of breastmilk in the freezer.. Seriously a TON of milk! Ugh. But this taught me the difference between happy mommy and happy baby and if I have anymore babies I'll just go straight to formula. I can't be that sad and upset again while trying to deal with no sleep and little ones depending on me. :)